Kaito Shion's Epic Diary of Ice Cream Awesomeness
by I Am The Raptor
Summary: I got permission to do this! Why am I writing in a diary if I'm a man? Well, anyway, here's what happened in my day! WARNING: The word 'Ice cream' is used way too much. Your head might explode.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

Is it possible to get a diary made out of ice cream? If it was, I would SO buy it! But then, wouldn't it melt? Oh well. Anyway, I really don't know why I'm writing in a diary.

I'm a grown man! I think Gakupo or someone else told me that it'll boost my self esteem or something. I don't really know. So, enough of my dumb blabber, let's get on with my day!

First was a little weird because Miku kept following me around with Len following behind her. Did I miss a game of follow the leader or something? I turned around to face the teal haired banshee-I mean girl-and just decided to take it the cool way.

"Hey Miku! What's up?" I asked her.

"Nothing much, just chilling, staring at you lustfully and thinking of how to get you in my bed- I mean... staring at your ice cream cone! Yeah! Teal, my favorite color." She said.

Wait, what did she just say?

"Um...okay then..." I said a little weirdly.

"...Lets never speak of this again."

"Agreed."

Miku and I then shook hands. Her hand was so tiny and petite! I got distracted by how amazingly small her hand was.

"Um...you can let go of my hand now, Kaito-kun." Miku said shyly.

I blinked, and right then, I saw a flash of a camera. I blushed furiously. Oh, no! Now everyone's going to get the wrong idea! I don't like Miku! I'm not a pedophile!

IM NOT A PEDOPHILE, I TELL YOU! Len and Jayemkun had some discussion. I wasn't paying attention since I was too busy panicking about my near reputation. Then I heard Len scream. I inched away slowly out of the scene and went to my room.

I stated to ignore Miku after that. I don't know what she thinks of me now. I'll just stay away for her until things cool down.

Well, that's all for to-(the rest of the writing is cut off by a large blob of ice cream)

Oops...I got ice cream on the paper...what I meant to say was, that's all for today! Hey, can I call this thing Mr. Ice?


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Mr. Ice,

I think today was one of the worst days in my entire LIFE. I scarred a little boy for eternity, at least I think, and I went emo. At least I didn't get run over by a road roller. So, let's begin. I was walking around the mansion, trying to remember where I last put my ice cream.

Meiko had gotten drunk not long ago, so I didn't want to mess with her. Miku ran up to me, and I think she nearly killed me from her power glomp. If it wasn't the air being knocked out of my lungs, it would've been choking in the teal jungle called Miku's hair. When I sat up, both Miku and I were in an awkward position. I was about to move, when I saw another camera flash.

Are you kidding me?

And to make matters worse, Meiko came into the room.

"WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. HATSUNE, YOU ARE NOT DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH BAKAITO?" She hollered in a drunken slur.

Miku blinked, blushing furiously.

"Um, Meiko, it's not what it-!" I got punished with a bottle to my head.

I think I was bleeding. I also think that no one cared. In a matter of seconds, Meiko and Miku were in a complete insult war, tossing words around that I dare not repeat. Meiko was too drunk to hit Miku, and Miku was too weak to do any damage to Meiko. Getting sick of it, I began to sing 'I Wish They'd Just Die' as loud as I could.

I saw Rin pass us, giving us the old 'I wish I could record this' look. Neru was already doing just that. After many bottle beatings, I went to the kitchen to get some ice for my poor aching head, which still hurts as I write. Just then, Len walked up to me, and asked me a question that I wasn't expecting.

"Would you rather be the seme or the uke?"

"..."

I said absolutely nothing. That's what parents do, right?

"What?" The innocent boy asked me.

I said the worst thing ever.

"Where did you learn about seme and ukes? ...Did you go in my room again?"

Now I know why people call me BaKaito.

"No...What's in your room?" Len asked me.

"Nothing!" I yelled quickly.

Apparently, kids never listen. When I went back to my room, all of my books were out of their drawers, and my computer was turned on with very bad things searched up. In images. I quickly exited out of the page, and figured Len had been here. I slipped out of my room, and not even two seconds later did Len come rolling out.

Then he rolled right down the stairs. Let's hope he forgot what he saw.

Well, that's all for today!


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Mr. Ice,

Have I ever been drunk before? I think I have and don't remember. I blame Rin and Meiko. They must've plotted it! Before you go asking me what the heck happened, I'll tell you.

Today was pretty mellow, nothing was really going on. I was eating ice cream, scolding Kaiko for eating my ice cream, singing about ice cream, masturbating with ice cre-Uuuh...how I wish I had an eraser right now...OH GO FANGIRL SOMEWHERE ELSE AND STOP IMAGINING HOW BIG MY ICE CREAM CONE IS! Jesus! Some people! Anyway, so, apparently calmly walking around the house can lead to your death.

As I walked somewhere along the hallway, the floor disappeared right under my feet, and I plummeted god knows how many feet. And to make matters worse, once I hit the bottom, I was pounded with many oranges. I sense Rin did this, but I don't know why. I got up and cleaned the oranges off of me, and took two steps before getting pounded by more oranges. I lay there for a while pondering who would be doing this.

Finally deciding my brain was going to explode from this mystery, I stood up again. Thankfully there were no more oranges. I climbed out of the heck hole, and saw someone i didnt expect to see at the moment. I saw Miku reading something, and, curious, I leaned over to see what it was, only for my heart to skip a beat.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING IN A DRESS?

Oh my gosh. I said the h word! Nooooooooo!

(One mental break down later)

Alright, I'm back, sorry about that. Anyway, I decided to once again play cool so that I didn't seem more like an idiot.

"Hey Miku-chan!" I exclaimd with a wave.

"Oh my freakin' gosh! Get outta' mah room, you fool!" She screamed.

I think my ears just broke. Miku looked like she was about to punch me, but grabbed Sea Anemone Zatsune instead.

"Miku? Why is Sea Anemone Zatsune in your room?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know, maybe Monichan-chan put in here as a prank." Miku responded.

I shrugged. It was reasonable enough. Then I came back to my room, and here I am now. I think I'm just going to isolate myself in here, because every time I go outside, something happens to me.

Well, that's all for today!


End file.
